Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Gods have Forsaken Us

And here's how I know. Last night, David yells to me, "What the hell, come look at this right now!" He showed me something . . . something terrifying. He had been unpacking some things that he had taken to his parents' house the week before, and among those things was a portable USB drive for his XBox 360. When he opened the case (seen below), something moved. But no, moving does not accurately describe what we saw. Something pulsated and undulated. Something writhed. What was it? Inside a small, silk sack, a spider spun and kicked, as if this sack were some sort of unhallowed womb. After staring at it for a moment in horror, mouths agape, he commanded me to "do something about it." At first I just took the case in my hand, dumbstruck by the command. Then a more precise utterance issued forth from his lips: "Either kill it or shoot it with your fucking camera."

I immediately chose the latter. Here you can see its abdomen and back leg. Please click on the picture to see it in more horrific detail.

Here you can see the legs coming out from underneath the case. Apparently there was a small hole there, and that hole was the exit from its damnable encasing. As you can see, I was so afraid that I couldn't get a very clear focus on this shot. Verily I say unto thee, I thought it was going to eat my face.

Once it evacuated its prison, I considered David's two commands, and I decided, my job as an artist done, that the former of the two was now in order. This spider is no more. But be warned, for the next time you open some innocuous case, who knows what you'll find pulsating inside.
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Monday, January 5, 2009

Proof of concept

I've been in bands. Several of them. I've also played at The Elbow Room, at which the sound board guy tends to take lots of pictures and later post them on the venue's site. These photos are often intollerably flat, washed out, grainy, or all of the above. I once thought that this was simply due to the fact that the stage was dark, and, well, what are you gonna do? Here's a suggestion: set your camera up correctly. Here are what even a novice like me can accomplish after just a little bit of calibration.

These are not the greatest show shots ever, but they're a lot better than The Elbow Room's.
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